Aries (3/21 - 4/20): There is a reason why this sign is considered the child of the zodiac...and most men born under this sign will behave like children. Keeping in mind that Aries is a cardinal sign AND a fire element it is not surprising that this man can try the patience of a lot of women. If you happen to like your men on the immature side and don't mind indulging in their constant "look at me" behavior, then you will get along fabulously with your little he-sheep. The perk of being with an Aries man is that life will never be dull. They need constant stimulation, mentally and physically, or they will sulk and become morose. Luckily, they aren't very difficult to entice into an adventure and you'll enjoy it every bit as much as they do. Just remember that acknowledgement of their enjoyment is more important than yours.
Aries Prayer: "Dear God! Give me PATIENCE and I want it NOW!"
How many Aries does it take to change a lightbulb? "Just one. You want to make something of it?"
Aries Daily Affirmation: "I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws."
What an Aries says after sex: "Okay, let's do it again."
How to Bag & Tag
Coo over him and make a big fuss. Show him all of your bright, shiny interesting gadgets and then try not to lose your temper if he happens to take one apart and loses interest before he puts it back together again. Don't even hint that the world doesn't revolve around him.
How to Get Rid of Him (Loonsounds)
Be a mouse grabber. Never follow their lead. Keep a steady dialogue with all of your exes. Fool with their hair after they just fixed it. Forget their birthday. Try to order them around.
Signs You've Been Dumped (Loonsounds)
You find yourself alone, standing amidst blowing dust and flecks, strips of black tire tracks, heavy gasoline fumes, and very little else. Slowly, slowly, the sound of the roaring engine recedes, thundering silence taking its place.
Taurus 101
Taurus (4/21 - 5/21): The symbolic figure of this astrological sign is the bull...probably because the Democrats had already taken the donkey. A Tauren is simply put the most stubborn and pigheaded male in the entire zodiac. The more you push, the deeper he will dig in those hooves and nothing you can do will change his mind...except for feminine charm. Taurens are suckers for creature comforts...whether it's food, a cozy home or an enveloping hug. They are generally good-natured, sentimental at heart and prone to romantic gestures once their needs have been met.
A Tauren's Prayer: "Dear God, please help me accept CHANGE in my life, but NOT YET."
How many Taurens does it take to change a light bulb? One, but just "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
A Tauren's Daily Affirmation: "Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."
What a Tauren says after sex: "I'm hungry - pass the pizza."
How to Bag & Tag
Feed him a home-cooked meal, tuck him into a warm cozy bed and assure him that he is completely in charge and doesn't have to go to sleep if he doesn't want to. You just wanted him to be comfortable.
How to Get Rid of Him (Loonsounds)
Acquire some credit cards by placing their name first on the application. Don't tell. Sit in their chair. Hide/eat all the sweets in the house. Insist on joint accounts. Refuse to sign a prenup.
Signs You've Been Dumped (Loonsounds)
You offer extravagant food, they say they've lost their appetite and when you turn away from them in bed, they just turn away from you in the opposite direction (instead of poking you with their horns). Taurus: Either they're all over you, or they're gone.
